I’ve noticed a common feature in my handling of major health problems: I barrel through them with an attitude of I can’t even believe that happened to me and it’s messing up my plans.
When I had cancer, nine years ago, my approach was to get through the treatment as fast as possible and get on with life. Check. Last summer when I had a stroke, I did the same thing. What!? Never mind, I’ll just keep going.
I am extremely thankful that I was able to keep going and that I have no negative effects of either potentially disastrous health challenge. I reasoned that my normal life would be good therapy, and in fact it was.
However, now eight months after the stroke, I’m not sure if I’ve thoroughly processed it.
For example, when a name escapes me, I question whether it’s just normal brain-freeze or whether it is something more persistent resulting from the stroke. Or I wonder, when I can’t find the word I want to use, if I would have had that problem a year ago. Trust me, I’ve lost track of countless names and words before, but I never worried about it. Am I the same person? Is my potential inhibited? I have bouts of depression which my husband says are not uncommon after a stroke, particularly one affecting the part of the brain touched in my case. (He did the research; I did not.)
Frankly, I still can’t believe it. I am still in a bit of denial. Do any of us easily accept what goes wrong with our bodies? I didn’t think so.
I re-read my posts from the weeks after my stroke. They are typical of my barrel through outlook, but more importantly they are true. I must still simply trust that God will use it for his good purpose. I am still confident that Christianity has the best answer for trials of any sort. And I still don’t have any answers. Who knows if there are any answers. Sometimes things just happen.
Thanks for listening to me.
How do you process your health challenges? Have you found it difficult to accept them?